Say whatever you feel, be wherever you are
I wonder if Noah Kahan realised when he wrote the song “You’re Gonna Go Far” that he would have changed my life for all time with just one lyric. Probs not. But thank you anyways, Noah.
This song is the main song I associate with my exchange year abroad, but it has also resonated with me in many other aspects of my life (so much so that I got it tattooed on my skin forever to serve as a gentle reminder to myself every day).
For those who know me, I’m the girl with a plan. I’m the one who plans trip itineraries, looks up the restaurant menu in advance, writes a packing list days in advance, researches reviews and product recommendations for weeks before buying a pair of running shoes, and looks at 5 different sites before buying a white t-shirt.
Once I heard this song, I can truly say I was changed. I realised I plan so much for the future that I never actually live in the present. I’d planned my exchange year for months and then not even two months in, I was already trying to plan my next steps once my contract was up. Not because I wasn’t enjoying it, I was loving it, but because I felt like I needed to have the answer to, “What next?” ALL THE TIME.
I would be on a trip, already planning the next one in my head. I was in New York City thinking about the next time I was going to be back. I was running around my newish neighbourhood planning my next running route in a new home that didn’t exist yet. I was on a coffee date with a friend planning our next lunch date. In my past relationship, I was already thinking and planning the long-distance part of it while not fully appreciating the present moment of not having any distance. I was so focused on the future, I wasn’t even living in the present.
This song, while teaching me that it’s okay to move away from home and find my own way, also taught me to just be. Be wherever I am. Sure, it’s important to plan for the future. But I think it’s even more important to actually experience the now.
So, I’ve learned to slow down and take note of where I am without putting pressure on myself to have the next steps mapped out.
Watch a sunset without thinking about what the next day holds. Enjoy the delicious ice cream without thinking about which flavour I’ll try next. Enjoy the brunch date with my friend without needing to know exactly when I’ll see her again. Be fully and totally present when I’m exploring a new place without thinking of where my next trip is going to be. Be thankful for my body and its shape and size without thinking about how I can eat less or exercise more tomorrow to try to change it (this one I work at every day trust me). To nurture my relationships and be present in them. To know what is going on in the people close to me’s lives without banking on the fact that I’ll find out whenever I see them next. To be aware of the future, but to not live in it. To find contentment with where I am in my career now. To find peace in the waiting. To be actively working on preparing myself for bigger and better things without completely disregarding the great things I get to experience RIGHT NOW. To not look back on experiences and wish I had been more grateful or present during them. To not always have a countdown going on in my head. But instead, to wake up and be happy that I get to be where I am, even if it is just for now. To know I am changing and evolving into the person I want to be, but to still be in love with who I am right at this second (cause she’s pretty freaking amazing).
Time flies, yet also things don’t change as much as we expect them to. I left home for a year, and while there were some extremely noticeable and big changes, the things that mattered were still the same. This leads me to believe the future and the present are more intertwined than I once thought. There isn’t a distinct moment of, “Okay the future is here.” One morning, you’re sipping your coffee in your new local cafe and you realise you are in the moment you had been praying and planning for. But there’s no massive announcement that tells you you’ve arrived in the future because it’s just become your present. And I hope that when you have this realisation, you take the time to actually be IN it.
Because while the future is bright, the present is golden. It’s soft, it’s nurturing, it’s beautiful, it’s understated, it’s quiet, it’s familiar, it’s filled with small moments that need to be appreciated fully. It can be uncomfortable, but it can also be a beautiful growing season that leads to an even more beautiful one.
So be wherever you are. Don’t let your mind and heart live outside your body. Be with your whole being. The future will arrive, and I promise you’ll be more grateful for it knowing you actually experienced the present.
You’re gonna go far, I promise. But embrace the going while you do.
Just Jay 